Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
