Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
