I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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