I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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