omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
