So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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