Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
