Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
