how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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