when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The air taste purple.
Randomize
