do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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