she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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