If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
