Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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