marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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