Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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