It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize