he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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