New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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