It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
