I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
