She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize