I will die if light touches me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
