forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
