K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
