6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
time to smoke my breakfast
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
