Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
