his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
