new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
