My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
