Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
