Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
