i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
