I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
