Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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