pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
