Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
