11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
