do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
