I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
