I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
