Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize