I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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