shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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