Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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