My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
