after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Say something about gay babies.
only you would photoshop your dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
