Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
