it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
