You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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