i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
