if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
