So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
