I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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