I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
