my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
