i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
