He is an equal opportunity slut.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
