When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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