He just called me juicy booty via text message.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think your dad took our porno
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
