I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
