i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
