I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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