My first STD was from a foam party
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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