this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
