At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
