I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
