mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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