mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize