wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
