Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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