dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
