I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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