Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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