STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
