I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
