That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
