You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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