If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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