So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
