conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
