Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
