drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass š¤·š¼āāļø
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
