Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
