Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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