His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Plan B is the new Plan A
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Green mimosas i think yes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
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