Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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