Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
