I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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