New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
