I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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