Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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