that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize