I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize