Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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