Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
