i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
