Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
