we have officially lost it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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