I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
