You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
