We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's official drugs can't kill me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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