you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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