There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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