Pants 0. Shit 1.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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