i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
