Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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