dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
