everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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