No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
