I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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