You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
