i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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